You greet Mr Bingley and find that he is accompanied by the disagreeable Mr Darcy. You tell Mr Bingley that he had no business running away to London last November, and Jane is now promised to another. You fix Mr Darcy with a hard stare, in case he has any designs on your remaining daughters. Finally, you utter an unrepeatable insult that ensures they never darken your door again.

If only it were that easy to dispatch your wife ...

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