You summon Mrs Bennet and Lydia to the library and explain that there has been a misunderstanding. Mrs Forster wants Mary to accompany her to Brighton and entertain the troops. A daily diet of piano concertos and Fordyce’s Sermons will improve the mind and morals of the most wayward soldier.

Lydia squeals and stamps her foot, while her mother shrieks and wails. You hurriedly insert those little pieces of wax and, as if by magic, silence reigns.

Mary’s trip to Brighton is a triumph. A reformed Mr Wickham comes to you to ask for her hand in marriage. Mrs Bennet is too astonished to utter a single shriek.

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