You summon Mrs Bennet and Lydia to the library and explain that there has been a misunderstanding. Mrs Forster wants Mary to accompany her to Brighton and entertain the troops. A daily diet of piano concertos and Fordyce’s Sermons will improve the mind and morals of the most wayward soldier.

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Lydia squeals and stamps her foot, while her mother shrieks and wails. You hurriedly insert those little pieces of wax and, as if by magic, silence reigns.

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Mary’s trip to Brighton is a triumph. A reformed Mr Wickham comes to you to ask for her hand in marriage. Mrs Bennet is too astonished to utter a single shriek.

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